Anthro’s Block

The moment I stepped out of your doorstep, I had no idea of what it would cause me a week later or so.  

It was raining and I was tired. It was raining and the earth was soft, so soft, I could hear my lithe footsteps.  It was raining and it was dark, that you offered me your light so that I could see my way back.  It was raining, so you offered me your shawl to protect my fragile limbs and my spinning head from the cold that the thick fog brings.  It was raining and I felt your warm hand on my face until I drifted off to sleep underneath my sheets.

We loved the rain.  We loved to listen how it crashes into the grounds, wetting it, softening it, washing everything in it away.  And oh, how we love to breathe the thick air that comes along with it.

So we did  listen that night.  We listened and as we did, we whispered our hearts out into the air, letting the rain hear what we had to say.

We reveled with the rain until our bodies slump into each other, spent, but hopeful.

Tonight, I watched the rain feast over the earth, ramming the rooftops, the streets, the windows, while the sky groaned until the children scoured.  I watched it through the window; I did not feel the cold, I did not smell the fresh earth either.

The rain did not get to me.  The rain did not get to me.

It’s still raining. I have a light, so bright, it fills my room.  It’s still raining, and my nostrils are full of mucous, itching my nose.  It’s still raining, and I’m not wet, not one bit.  It’s raining, and I’m not with you… not anymore.

i haven’t heard from you today.
no morning cheers, not even a sigh, or just a sign.

I haven’t heard from you today…
no clue of your breakfast meal,
or a glance at your itinerary.

I haven’t heard from you today,
and I go on with my day,
knowing, feeling, believing,
that there will be more days like this.

I haven’t heard from you today,
but I know, I feel, I believe,
that you’ll be back,
and we’ll walk these ivory steps again.

you’re ready, i’m not.  maybe WE’re ready, but we’re apart.  i think i’ll take a bath now…or maybe later…gosh!  i really have to take a bath now, but my fingers keep typing and i think they’re having a life of their own, contriving with my brain, betraying the rest of my body. gosh!

perhaps, i could go to the movies.  oh crap!  why do academic shits always rain on my parade of self-indulgence?!?!  now way!  i will never become an anthropologist in the academe!  i’m tired of this crap!  get me outta here!!! please!!! someone…help me!!! 

now, that was hysterical of me.  good thing though, i’m writing it down rather than screaming my lungs out about such crap!  sigh…

okay, what am i gonna do?  hhhhmmm….stupid!  i shouldn’t be asking myself what to do because there’s a gazillion things to do…but me being me, i ask myself what to do because i don’t plan on doing those gazillion things waiting to be done because i don’t like doing them anymore!!! they’re sucking the life out of me!!! HELP!!!

all right…i’m taking a bath now. toodles!

I hope you could forgive me for being such a coward.  I’m just so scared right now.  I was so sure before, that everything I have here with me could move mountains and part seas (naks!)…but that was before; things change, you know. 

I’m just amazed by all the things we have to go through before becoming what we are right now.  It’s been a while….sigh..

I hope to see you soon and i hope we could talk.

People have been greeting me happy birthday in advance since last week, and if not for them I would’ve forgotten that next week will be my birthday.  For those who greeted me, THANK YOU VERY MUCH for remembering it for me. lol!

I just hope that you, my friends, would bear with me for not planning any birthday celebration next week.  heck!  I’ve been juggling my academic life, council work, and family for more than six months now and it has been very difficult.  But no matter how difficult it’s been, it’s still very fulfilling…sigh…

and now, all i’ve been wishing for is PEACE of mind…i wish to wake up one morning without having to worry about anything at all…sigh…

What a feeling in my soul Love burns brighter than sunshine Brighter than sunshine Let the rain fall, i don't care I'm yours and suddenly you're mine Suddenly you're mine and it's brighter than sunshine 

- Brighter Than Sunshine by Aqualung

Wherever you are, I want to thank you for telling me that you like to walk with me. I also feel the same way.  

rain. marlon brando. francis ford coppola. al pacino. andy garcia. shakira. frank miller. 300. rome. wolf. bruce. physics. deja vu. barbecue. maria clara. traitors. homicide. csi. blood diamond(s). gong li. zhang yimou. chow-yun fat. rilo kiley. speak softly love. family. honor. 2. time. gravity. csi. killers. evidence. mind. elves. auta i lome…

kamusta ka naman, MY FRIEND…bwahaha!!! is it me or is it you?  can’t you look at me in the eye and smile (like before)? o, ano? di mo kayang gawin? kasi GUILTY ka?!?!?! bwahahah!!!

e mabait ako, kakausapin kita…i will treat you as a FRIEND!  kasi i’m not like you. 

and to the people who posted their replies to my previous blog entry, DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM REFERRING TO? sa mga nakakaalam, AH-JAH! sa mga di pa, kung malalaman nyo, kaya niyo bang gawin ang sinasabi nyo?  o baka you’ll take back what you just said and keep quiet? hahaha…amazing!!!

ah basta, good luck sayo, MY FRIEND…me karma man o wala, what i’m sure of is that YOU ARE A PLASTIC…again…PLASTIC after what you’ve just done, and i am very capable and willing to forgive you but i’m damn sure i won’t forget all of these (marami ka na kasing nagawa…ok lang sana yung dati, pero FOUL na talaga ngayon).

good luck sa lovelife mo kc it seems like that’s the only life you’ve got! xoxo

 may isang tao dyan…me ikinakalat tungkol sakin…di naman totoo… FOUL na!!! tama na!!! wala akong ginagawa sayo, you BACKSTABBING BITCH!!!

grabe ka kung magbitiw ng salita, para kang santa, di naman!  ang kapal ng mukha mo!!!  nakuha mo pang ngumiti sa harapan ko when all the while you’ve been BACKSTABBING ME!!! ang kapal mo naman!!! kapal mo talaga!!!

syet!!! syet!!! syet!!! 

galit ako….masama ang loob ko…pero higit sa lahat, naawa ako sayo…antanda mo na…get someone your own size.  naawa ako sayo kasi walang panahon sa paninira mo sakin…hahaha…nababaliw ka na yata eh…nakakatawa ka talaga…wala ka na bang ibang magawa sayong (walang kwentang) buhay kundi ang siraan ako? hahaha…nakakatawa ka naman…  kaibigan pa naman sana ang turing ko sayo… pero tama na….kung ganyan ka, WALANG PANAHON SAYO!!! =p

you took a ride on the highway at full speed and god knows what is happening to you right now.  you’re riding so fast that perhaps you’ve reached the speed of light because i can no longer see you. where are you now?  what happened? how could you just disappear into thin air just like that?

disappearing all of a sudden wouldn’t change the way things are right now.  it would not even make the world a better place for you.  and you cannot disappear forever you know.  at one point or another, you have to pay the parking ticket for staying too long, and stop on a red light for others to pass. 

you may be the one behind the wheel, controlling where to turn, when to stop and when to go on, but there are still traffic lights, pedestrian lanes, road signs, road blocks, and roses outside.  they seem so fresh and pretty that they make you wanna smell them and if you would, you’d probably take a few for mom.

you still got a long way to go, kiddo.  don’t hurry up, you’re gonna get there, you know…but don’t take too long too, okay and just enjoy the ride.  i promise you, it’s gonna be the ride of your life.